He who loses money, loses much;
He who loses a friend, loses much more;
He who loses faith, loses all.
- Eleanor Roosevelt --




Yesterday me and Daniel were walking around outside and we walked passed this metal and wood beam that went across my creek it was at the most 9ft from the ground and since the creek was dry there wasn't any water. I never have been able to walk all the way across it. Usually I would go halfway get scared and go back but yesterday it was different I didn't even make it half way before I felt my knees lock and all the sudden 9ft seemed like 90ft and I became really dizzy. I felt like I was suffocating. I realized I was having a real panic attack. A panic attack... me? Me whose quote just one year prior to that moment was "live fast, die young" me who took a chance on anything at anytime, the free spirit. When I finally (i have no recollection of how) made it back to solid ground, realized just how different I've become. I've become scared. I'm scared of pain of any kind. After a year of what I thought were a couple of scars I realized were still just wounds that haven't completely healed.. I think finally their about to. I know all this over something so small but to me it wasn't. A nine foot fall wouldn't have killed me it might have hurt a little sure but I would have conquered something that has almost taken over.. fear, the fear of living again. I don't want to live like this anymore.


Forget the risk take fall if its what you want its worth it all