Wednesday, July 8, 2009
My dreams will come true. I'm putting this book together that holds everything I want out of my life..I never really thought about what I wanted but I always had such big expectations for everything.I never thought twice that maybe some of the things I did expect would never happen. I am glad to say though I'm finally at peace with everything in my past. I have this picture of me and Hannah that sits on my bookcase. Its this picture of me and her sitting in the water at Cinnamon Bay in St. John, I remember the water was so clear and we felt like the luckiest girls in the world. Tell me thats not being at peace? lol. I've thought about framing poems that were written.. I just hold no hard feelings towards anyone. New years I sat by myself in my bed and watched forrest gump.. usually new years I usually have to being doing something really fun or else it just completely stinks but this time I knew I couldn't really do anything that would be alot of fun unless you consider cranium downstairs in the basement with Lisa, Deana and Bruce.. other people I don't know fun then seriously count me out.. anyway I was perfectly content b/c I knew my time would come when I have this glamorous new years party just not this time. I will get out of this house maybe not alive but I will get out. I'll travel, drink the finest wine, own the biggest apple tree orchard anyone has ever seen, help save the world in any way I can. I will do this all.. I think its finding happiness in the small things everyday that makes all the difference.I need to think of things I take joy in and appreciate them like, buying new shoes and then going for ice cream, receiving packages in the mail, writing letters, telling stories.. its just appreciating life.it's been said that we just don’t recognize the significant moments of our lives while they're happening. We grow complacent with ideas or things or people and we takethem for granted ... and its usually not until that thing is about tobe taken away from you that you realize how wrong you've been;that you realize how much you really need it; how much you love it.-One Tree Hill
I remember one morning my last year of school we were getting ready to start morning devotion. me of course less than thrilled.. I was still groggy from a late night before. That morning I remember Mrs. Hill right before she started to open her Bible, she looked around the room at each of us, studying our faces..I knew then that this wouldn't be a normal devotion.. not for me at least. I can't remember the reference to the verse we read but I remember the verse.I remember her tone as she read the words..See that ye fall not out by the wayThose words I will never forget as long as I live. They have been permanently imprinted on my heart and mind forever. I remember her saying, "Do you think I'm proud of you for the way you live?" Meaning she wasn't because nothing we had done had really been any kind of testament to our character we acted the way we did and didn't do anything bad because we couldn't.. really. We didn't drink or smoke because we could get expelled. We went to church every Sunday because we had to. It was non negotiable.. no fun for me but I did it because like I said, I had to. She said she would know each of us after we were out of there when we had no rules or regulations to live by and to guide us except our own conscience.."Thats when the true test comes..."That day came.. And the test.. well there was a test.I don't believe many people I went to a christian school with passed that test. Its only by God that I'm not in the same place as others. I'm thankful for the mistakes I have made.. they keep me humble. I could have failed that test and I came very close at an early age but you see that test isn't over.. I'm still taking it.. on a daliy basis. God really does have a sense of humor doesn't he? Me.. I think sometimes.. me? The most likely to fall out by the way.. the least likely to stay on track. I think I underestimate myself sometimes.. I know I'm not the best candidate and my record is far from clean.. but I won't be discouraged by that. So I make mistakes.. Who doesn't? I will never stop trying to be better. As long as I'm still learning and still striving everythings okay.
Sunday, November 30, 2008
A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away.. Ecclesiastes 3:5
You've always said you don't know how you got so lucky to have me in your life but I don't think thats exactly true. It was me who was lucky or blessed I should say. This is hard to do but its something that must be done.. And this is what needs to be said.. Thank you. In two simple words.. Thank you. You have been nonwavering in your loyalty to me as a friend. You've been by my side the whole time. You loved me when it was hard to.. you loved me when I couldn't love myself. You have defended me when I was wrong. And when I found my world crashing before me I found you. You have been my bestfriend whether it was venting or baring each others souls. My second year of highschool when I found myself alone once again in a room of all too familiar faces I cried out to God to send me someone.. He chose you. You.. my faithful and trusted confidant, my comrade, my sometimes compass but most importantly my constant companion I love you. I will always love you. You'll forever hold a place in my heart. I have never given you enough credit. As ten year olds sitting in a class together one desk apart that could have been worlds apart for us on a social scale which now couldn't be any less important than the craze new in adolescent life but then it meant everything.. I remember being publicly humiliated in front of my entire 5th grade class over some stupid math problem.. I remember everyone laughing at me.. but you.. you didn't. I looked at you and you.. being so accustom to public mockery selflessly tried to take on my humiliation. Ten years ago.. And I still remember.. Then seven years later when I found myself in other situations of a more serious natutre... Once again there you were. In rooms full of people judging and condemning, you took on a shield and defended me.. I haven't forgotten.. I never will. We have been through hell and came out on the other side.. very dignified I might add. I'll never be convinced that we were put in each others life for any other reason but by an act of God. Because of the kindness you have shown.. my door will always be open to you as well as my heart.
Public - 11:22 AM - 13 views - 4 eprops - 2 comments - edit it - email it
A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away.. Ecclesiastes 3:5
You've always said you don't know how you got so lucky to have me in your life but I don't think thats exactly true. It was me who was lucky or blessed I should say. This is hard to do but its something that must be done.. And this is what needs to be said.. Thank you. In two simple words.. Thank you. You have been nonwavering in your loyalty to me as a friend. You've been by my side the whole time. You loved me when it was hard to.. you loved me when I couldn't love myself. You have defended me when I was wrong. And when I found my world crashing before me I found you. You have been my bestfriend whether it was venting or baring each others souls. My second year of highschool when I found myself alone once again in a room of all too familiar faces I cried out to God to send me someone.. He chose you. You.. my faithful and trusted confidant, my comrade, my sometimes compass but most importantly my constant companion I love you. I will always love you. You'll forever hold a place in my heart. I have never given you enough credit. As ten year olds sitting in a class together one desk apart that could have been worlds apart for us on a social scale which now couldn't be any less important than the craze new in adolescent life but then it meant everything.. I remember being publicly humiliated in front of my entire 5th grade class over some stupid math problem.. I remember everyone laughing at me.. but you.. you didn't. I looked at you and you.. being so accustom to public mockery selflessly tried to take on my humiliation. Ten years ago.. And I still remember.. Then seven years later when I found myself in other situations of a more serious natutre... Once again there you were. In rooms full of people judging and condemning, you took on a shield and defended me.. I haven't forgotten.. I never will. We have been through hell and came out on the other side.. very dignified I might add. I'll never be convinced that we were put in each others life for any other reason but by an act of God. Because of the kindness you have shown.. my door will always be open to you as well as my heart.
Public - 11:22 AM - 13 views - 4 eprops - 2 comments - edit it - email it
Thursday, March 05, 2009
"Be clearly aware of the stars and infinity on high. Then life seems almost enchanted after all."- Vincent van Gogh
Private - 10:51 PM - 1 view - add eprops - add comments - edit it - email it
Tuesday, March 03, 2009
Isaiah 49:14-16
But Zion said, “The LORD has forsaken me, And my Lord has forgotten me.” Can a woman forget her nursing child, And not have compassion on the son of her womb? Surely they may forget, Yet I will not forget you. See, I have inscribed you on the palms of My hands; Your walls are continually before Me.
I'm homesick tonight.. Not for my physical home now but my spirtual home, my eternal home. Sometimes I get lost in my thoughts and wishing I was with God already. I find comfort in those thoughts. I know God is with me. Even as I write this right now I know He's here.. I talk to him everyday throughout the day mostly at night when I feel the lonliest.. Today however I'm just ready to be home. Home.. just that word stirs so much longing inside me. Can you imagine what Heaven must be like? Of couse it will be beautiful and peaceful no more stress but thats not what does it for me.. Its the knowing that I will be with someone who will forever love and accept me. The God who has me inscribed on the palms of his hands. The God that never forgets. When we get to Heaven you'll know where to find me. I'll be the one that never leaves his side. Until then I guess I will remain here.. not home and continue on in my thoughts until the day I will be..
"Be clearly aware of the stars and infinity on high. Then life seems almost enchanted after all."- Vincent van Gogh
Private - 10:51 PM - 1 view - add eprops - add comments - edit it - email it
Tuesday, March 03, 2009
Isaiah 49:14-16
But Zion said, “The LORD has forsaken me, And my Lord has forgotten me.” Can a woman forget her nursing child, And not have compassion on the son of her womb? Surely they may forget, Yet I will not forget you. See, I have inscribed you on the palms of My hands; Your walls are continually before Me.
I'm homesick tonight.. Not for my physical home now but my spirtual home, my eternal home. Sometimes I get lost in my thoughts and wishing I was with God already. I find comfort in those thoughts. I know God is with me. Even as I write this right now I know He's here.. I talk to him everyday throughout the day mostly at night when I feel the lonliest.. Today however I'm just ready to be home. Home.. just that word stirs so much longing inside me. Can you imagine what Heaven must be like? Of couse it will be beautiful and peaceful no more stress but thats not what does it for me.. Its the knowing that I will be with someone who will forever love and accept me. The God who has me inscribed on the palms of his hands. The God that never forgets. When we get to Heaven you'll know where to find me. I'll be the one that never leaves his side. Until then I guess I will remain here.. not home and continue on in my thoughts until the day I will be..
Friday, April 18, 2008
you know that episode of Gilmore Girls when Lorelai and luke break up and she stays in bed the whole next day and then that night she calls and leaves him this message on his answering machine telling him about this one part of The Way We Were how katie calls hubbell after they break up and tells him that she can't sleep and that she needs her bestfriend so hubbell goes to her.. so Lorelai tells Luke that she needs her bestfriend and to come over.. but as soon as she hangs up she realizes what she did and runs to lukes house to erase the message.. I can't count how many times I have done something like that. Lorelai tells Luke she isn't that girl.. the kind that runs to her ex boyfriend or guy in general when things fall apart.. neither am I. I guess what I'm trying to say is.. As much as I feel like Katie Morosky right now... I won't call and tell you I can't sleep and that I just need to talk to my bestfriend.. If I hurt you I'm sorry it was never my intentions. If you felt I kept you at a distant it was only to keep from hurting you.
you know that episode of Gilmore Girls when Lorelai and luke break up and she stays in bed the whole next day and then that night she calls and leaves him this message on his answering machine telling him about this one part of The Way We Were how katie calls hubbell after they break up and tells him that she can't sleep and that she needs her bestfriend so hubbell goes to her.. so Lorelai tells Luke that she needs her bestfriend and to come over.. but as soon as she hangs up she realizes what she did and runs to lukes house to erase the message.. I can't count how many times I have done something like that. Lorelai tells Luke she isn't that girl.. the kind that runs to her ex boyfriend or guy in general when things fall apart.. neither am I. I guess what I'm trying to say is.. As much as I feel like Katie Morosky right now... I won't call and tell you I can't sleep and that I just need to talk to my bestfriend.. If I hurt you I'm sorry it was never my intentions. If you felt I kept you at a distant it was only to keep from hurting you.
Sad thing is, you can still love someone and be wrong for them.- Elvis Presley
"it should not be denied that being footloose has always exhilarated us. it is associated in our minds with escape from history and oppression and law and irksome obligations. absolute freedom. and the road has always led west." -christopher john mccandless
"it should not be denied that being footloose has always exhilarated us. it is associated in our minds with escape from history and oppression and law and irksome obligations. absolute freedom. and the road has always led west." -christopher john mccandless
I remember one morning my last year of school we were getting ready to start morning devotion. me of course less than thrilled.. I was still groggy from a late night before. That morning I remember Mrs. Hill right before she started to open her Bible, she looked around the room at each of us, studying our faces..I knew then that this wouldn't be a normal devotion.. not for me at least. I can't remember the reference to the verse we read but I remember the verse.I remember her tone as she read the words..See that ye fall not out by the wayThose words I will never forget as long as I live. They have been permanently imprinted on my heart and mind forever. I remember her saying, "Do you think I'm proud of you for the way you live?" Meaning she wasn't because nothing we had done had really been any kind of testament to our character we acted the way we did and didn't do anything bad because we couldn't.. really. We didn't drink or smoke because we could get expelled. We went to church every Sunday because we had to. It was non negotiable.. no fun for me but I did it because like I said, I had to. She said she would know each of us after we were out of there when we had no rules or regulations to live by and to guide us except our own conscience.."Thats when the true test comes..."That day came.. And the test.. well there was a test.I don't believe many people I went to a christian school with passed that test. Its only by God that I'm not in the same place as others. I'm thankful for the mistakes I have made.. they keep me humble. I could have failed that test and I came very close at an early age but you see that test isn't over.. I'm still taking it.. on a daliy basis. God really does have a sense of humor doesn't he? Me.. I think sometimes.. me? The most likely to fall out by the way.. the least likely to stay on track. I think I underestimate myself sometimes.. I know I'm not the best candidate and my record is far from clean.. but I won't be discouraged by that. So I make mistakes.. Who doesn't? I will never stop trying to be better. As long as I'm still learning and still striving everythings okay.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)